Joe Biden Walks More Inhumanly Than Mark Zuckerberg Drinks Water In Congress

This might be the defining video of Joe Biden’s presidency. 

The way Mark Zuckerberg drank water in Congress during the Senate hearing that one time was such a remarkable breach of acceptable human conduct that the DOJ should probably investigate the Facebook founder for sedition and treason.

Guessing from the comments surrounding the multiverse’s wretchedly unacceptable display, even more people were traumatized by Mark’s android antics than AOC was by the QAnon Shaman et al.

But even the way Mark of the Beasterberg sips water while explaining to congresscritters that Facebook can offer its service to billions of users for free because they run ads pales in comparison to the way Joe Biden walked across a lawn to Marine One the other day.

Joe Biden’s gait, while bipedal humanoid, is unmistakably not human. It’s beyond stiff. This president walks like one of those Atlas robots from Boston Dynamics. You can tell he’s a robot by the way he walks. Nobody walks like this:

Unfortunately for the country’s optics, Biden’s stepping is, and I hate to say this about a sitting president of the United States. Still, it’s more Honda ASIMO than Boston Dynamics Atlas. Let’s keep it real here.

I don’t want to lose the trust of you or any of the other readers on Capitol Hill News by mincing words. Joe Biden walks like he’s about to shart. I don’t know. Maybe it’s one of the side effects of those Pfizer vaccines. Perhaps he should have tried the ivermectin instead.

As much confusion as there is going on in the world today, I would hate to proffer a conspiracy theory that turns out to be proven false but watch the video of Biden walking again very closely. Not only are the leg movements impossibly stiff and jerky for a human being or any animal, but look how tall the president appears in the video.

Joe Biden has a known height of 6’0”. But he’s taller as he walks to Marine One, and his leg movements are robotic. For the first time since FDR, Americans might be living under the administration of a president who can no longer walk unaided. At the same time, the White House and media cover it up just like they did when FDR was president, so Americans and other nations would not perceive the administration differently.

Of course, in 2021, we have the technology for some Iron Man meets Forrest Gump, robotic leg walkers. They might strap Joe in every morning and tell him to stand straight and let it walk for you. 

And maybe that’s the reason Joe Biden isn’t answering any questions after speaking very briefly with the press to announce more beatings until morale improves. Maybe he has to hurry off stage because his robot-leg batteries are running low, and he’d get stuck on stage if they ran out, then the jig would be up.

Or maybe he’s just going to talk himself right into some severe indictments by future Congresses if he talks too much about what his White House is doing to us. Maybe that’s why.